Embracing my body has never been one of my strong suits. I was your average kid up until about age 10 when I “plumped” up a bit. I didn’t think anything of it until I started to get picked on by the popular crowd. I can remember running home and locking myself in my room to cry. I even remember distinctly being told by a girl when I was 11, that I would look much prettier with make up on…kids can be AWFUL in middle school!
Things evened out when I reached age 15, but by then my confidence had been stripped. Instead of looking at myself finally at what I pictured as “ideal,” I became obsessive over keeping myself a certain way. I watched everything I ate and often skipped breakfast or lunch because I was so afraid of gaining weight and getting picked on again.
The summer I graduated high school I can remember it was really bad. Nit picking everything I ate and working out a lot. I was under 130 pounds which is underweight for someone of my height, and sick ALL the time. I finally realized this was not healthy and began to take the steps to maintain a good weight the healthy way. Still negative thoughts about myself lingered in my brain…
It wasn’t until last year that I realized that it didn’t matter what size I was, the problem lied within my mind as to how I viewed myself. You won’t love yourself at any size if you constantly nit pick and worry about what is “ideal” or what others are seeing when they look at you. I’m currently starting a diet and workout plan, but for the first time in my life it is not for appearance purposes, it is strictly to be healthier and feel good on the inside. I’m at my heaviest right now, but I can honestly say I am at my happiest and most confident! I have learned that my self worth is not defined by what size my jeans are or how I look in a bikini.
The left picture was taken on vacation when I was 17, and the right 23 on our honeymoon a few months ago.